So now I have died (see my last post about dying to sin), what do I need to do now?
Well, I could be wrong, but I think I need to stop looking back at the past, and the old me, and live as the new me. I have spent a lot of time living as if I was still ill, if that makes sense, even though it was over. I am not saying I should be reckless and expose myself to triggers like buying loads of chocolate and seeing if I manage not to eat it. No, what I am saying is that I need to be in the light and not living as if I still can’t see.
C.S. Lewis talks about this in the Last Battle. At the end of time the children and the citizens of Narnia go to Aslan’s country – they have died and are essentially in Heaven (the Narnia books are an analogy about creation and Christ and sacrifice and heaven – too much to list really). But they are still bumping into things as if they were in the dark stable where they died. Aslan tries to tell them they are free but they don’t believe it, so they don’t enjoy the fullness of being free, they live as captives in the darkness.
“Starting a new lie! Trying to make us believe we’re none of us shut up, and it ain’t dark, and heaven knows what,” the dwarfs said.
“They will not let us help them,” Aslan explained. “They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own mind, yet they are in that prison…”
That is what I had been doing; still considering myself as ill and still focusing all my time and attention on trying to stop being ill. Even though it was over I believed the Father of Lies (Satan) when he said that I was still a captive to food and bulimia. God’s truth is that the Josie who was that person is no longer. Time to stop looking at the grave clothes and focus on being renewed and born again.
Now instead of spending my time thinking about binging, deciding whether or not to binge, trying not to binge, trying to distract myself or just prodding that sore tooth to see if I wanted to binge, my focus is no longer on this sort of thing. I am not addicted any more so I don’t need to spend time thinking about it. I need to seek first the Kingdom of God and spend time trying to further His Kingdom and be salt and light in the world and show His love to others. If I fill my world with that I am switching the light on rather than trying to dispel the darkness. God is the light of the world and He will do all the hard work, not me.
That doesn’t mean that I will forget my experiences. I still want to help others and use what I have been through to show others the way to true freedom. I still want to write my book and this blog to show that you are not alone and that there is hope and you too can be free. You can still message me and ask questions. I believe God has called me to share my testimony to as many as possible to help them to be healed and to bring them to Him. Nothing is more important than salvation. Even if I was not healed, being saved is priceless.
Take care everyone and keep going,
Love Josie xx